Daughter’s plea for help with Oldham dad’s funeral cost

Stephanie Rounthwaite, currently on maternity leave caring for her seven-month-old son, has been left not only with the sudden loss of her father but the additional worry of how to afford to give him a fitting goodbye. 

Steven Rounthwaite was described as ‘larger than life’ by friends and known as Bobby due to his football ability.

But unbeknown to his friends, Steven was struggling with alcohol use and died on June 23, aged 45.

A former coach driver, Steven was made redundant in 2020 due to the pandemic, just months after he lost his father to a heart attack and his mother to pancreatic cancer.

Alongside 22-year-old Stephanie, he also leaves behind Laura, who is just 15, both of whom were removed from their mother’s custody years ago.

Without any other immediate family, the young mum is trying to raise £2,800 for funeral costs, and another £200 for a wake on fundraising site GoFundMe.

Family struggling to come to terms with loss

She said: “He was struggling with his mental health, and he was quite lonely. He turned to alcohol to cope with it.

“Both of his parents, my grandma and granddad, passed away within six months of each other four years ago. Ever since then, he shut himself off. He spiralled out of control from there. He died from drinking too much.”

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Steven’s family and friends are struggling to come to terms with what has happened.

Stephanie continued: “We’ve not really been able to have a chance to process it yet, because we’re just worried about getting enough money together for the funeral and getting all that sorted.

“He didn’t have any plans, or any money away. None of us were prepared for him passing away and to be paying for a funeral. He was only 45.”

Without the money, the family is unlikely to be able to afford to have a wake.

Stephanie said: “We would like to have a wake, but it’s looking like it’s not really going to happen, just because of the money side of it.

“It’s about £150 just to hire the room out, and then if you want a bit of food, a buffet would cost about £50.”

Steven Rounthwaite (Image: Stephanie Rounthwaite)

Stephanie said she does not know what she is going to do next, adding: “My sister is staying with me at the moment, and then we will just have to figure it out from there. It’s just the two of us now.

“We have good family round us, like aunts and uncles, but in terms of immediate family it is just us two.”

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Friends lament falling out of touch

Steven’s friends only learned of his mental health struggles a few weeks ago.

Carl Heatley, now a deputy head at Copley Academy in Stalybridge, had been one of Steven’s friends from childhood.

The 45-year-old said: “We grew up through primary school and secondary school, and football teams. A group of lads who have been mates for a very long time.

“He was a larger-than-life character, growing up he was always up for a laugh. He was always at the centre of anything that was fun. He was a great footballer growing up, one of the best footballers we knew as a kid.

“As you do growing up, you get embroiled with your own life and your own struggles, you go off with your family. We’re all blokes in our mid-40s that are grown up. A lot of us have got families and jobs.

“He reached out a little bit a few weeks back via Facebook, but separately. Initially, he was asking us for money, so we checked in with each other and we’d all had similar messages.

“One of our mates went round to see him and realised he was struggling a bit, we’d all connected again via Facebook and then a couple weeks later he got taken ill and on the Friday he’d died.

“It knocked us all back a bit, really. We were a bit shocked. If we’d known a bit earlier we’d have stood up and helped him out a bit quicker, but we didn’t know.

“We found out on the Friday, we’d all been talking to him and we’d said via Facebook ‘if you need help, let us know’, and he’d said he would.

“He’d started becoming a bit more active on Facebook, liking posts and contacting us. When we found out we were all like ‘Jesus’.”

Carl Heatley is a deputy head at Copley Academy in Stalybridge (Image: Copley Academy)

New support group launched

The friendship group got together and started chatting, lamenting the fact they had started to drift apart.

As a result, Carl has decided to launch a new Failsworth-based discussion group with his friends, called ‘You alright chief?’, in an effort to make a positive change in memory of their friend.

Carl has stressed that the group will be nothing like counselling or alcoholics’ anonymous, focussed more on a scheduled informal friendly discussion group at a different venue each month.

‘you alright chief?’ has been set up in memory of Steven (Image: Carl Heatley)

Carl said: “Our conversation stemmed around: ‘You know what, how easy is it to lose contact and wallow in your own struggles and not talk about anything?’

“It was from that I had the idea to set up ‘you alright chief?’. Whenever you met Bobby he’d say ‘you alright chief?’ That was just how he greeted everybody.

“It affects men of all ages. We didn’t really know about his struggles with alcohol until really recently, and that’s why we thought we need to do something about it.

“It’s really sad, but it’s too common. I might be busy doing the day-to-day stuff, but if we can just do something that allows people to have that conversation. We’ve all got families, Bobby had family, but it’s like I said to the lads – you can be in a crowd full of people and still be lonely.

“That’s what it’s all about, it’s about asking each other ‘are you alright chief?’”

Samaritans is available round the clock, every single day of the year, providing a safe place to talk for anyone who is struggling to cope.

Call 116 123 (this number is free to call and will not appear on your phone bill), 01204 521200 or email jo@samaritans.org

Source – INDIA TV